All this time I guess I’ve just been trying to suppress the memories and the thoughts regarding this matter because I still think that by not confronting reality, a small part of it will be etched into memory and never fizzle away. Clutching at remnants but at least there are still bits and pieces that feel so very real to me. I don’t know when these will disappear but I don’t want it to. Everything, music, papers, words, they all contribute to building up that image that can never be replaced. Experiences that can never be relived no matter how we try to repeat it, repeat, repeat, repeat. I always wanted things to stay the same but I’m painfully aware that it’s virtually impossible. But maybe for tonight, just let me replay the events in my mind, trying so desperately to convince myself that everything is still the same, everything is in reality. 

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